Insert Tab A Into Slot B. Repeat.

Ha! I knew it!

Hide The Salami

Researchers took this week off from finding a cure for cancer, and did something that will benefit humanity for aeons to come, and come hard.



Cloaking devices described in scientific journal.
Military Seeks Invisibility Cloak

Researchers in England and the United States ... are laying out the blueprint and calling for help in developing the exotic materials needed to build a cloak.

The keys are special manmade materials, unlike any in nature.... These materials are intended to steer light and other forms of electromagnetic radiation around an object, rendering it as invisible as something tucked into a hole in space.

Instead, like a river streaming around a smooth boulder, light and all other forms of electromagnetic radiation would strike the cloak and simply flow around it, continuing on as if it never bumped up against an obstacle. That would give an onlooker the apparent ability to peer right through the cloak, with everything tucked inside concealed from view.

"We will have a cloak after not too long," said John Pendry, a physicist at the Imperial College London. "To be realistic, it's going to be fairly thick. 'Cloak' is a misnomer. 'Shield' might be more appropriate," he said.

Now, dwell on this, fair reader.

What do Edible Undies, Hello Kitty Vibrators, and Candy Bras all have in common? They're novelty items. This brings me to the topic of this post.

Invisiblity Condoms.


A lot of people get shy of their physical nature when in the company of others. Imagine what this will do for the sexual revolution when the technology arrives! No one will be embarassed for their genitalia any further!

A world of Kens and Barbies. Tell me that no one's wanted this since they were eight. G.I. Joes be damned.

Aren't There Supposed To Be Tentacles? There's Always Tentacles.

I'll fully admit that when it comes to problem solving, I tend to think with my head. Usually in the privacy of my own bedroom. Or at work. Something about being in front of the camera with a hot piece of tail on her knees sucking and blowing more than Congress really gives me time to think.

It's been over a week.

I still can't figure out this short film that I came across one day.


I may be treading into Percival Johnson territory here, but as far as Flash animations go, this movie is far below par in many aspects.

Animation: 3
Look at that poor framerate! Where's the action? In some frames, if you watch closely, you can see that certain frames were repeated! For shaaaame. I'll tell you kids.. this sure ain't no Yuyu or There She Goes!

Sound: 2
I suppose the song fits the content well enough, except that I still don't know what the song is. Thanks to Babelfish and a lot of free time, I was able to reverse-translate what I believe to be the original song lyrics:

I have no magazines, and soccer goalkeepers are hot.
Listen to the robins, and see the poster of Nick Carter.
Two fingers or three?
I can smell God.

Plot: 9
No matter what anyone else says, I'd rather watch this a thousand times than one return season of Muchmusic VJ Search: The Series. In terms of similarity, there was only one time during that show that I felt interest. A VJ said "Please come to a free taping" so I did.

Now, Albert has told me that, perhaps, I'm not quite seeing the film for what it was meant to represent. I say bollocks. I also say he might have a point. I also also say that he shouldn't throw two birds at glass houses, he's so smart. I mean, the guy did this. Pfeh.

So, to sum up, bollocks. And kudos to the Koreans for making an instructional video that shows the dos and don'ts of such a sensitive topic, all without actually showing the dos and don'ts. That's talent.

Always Beware Geeks Bearing Gifts

"Jocks only think about sports, nerds only think about sex."
These words were imparted to us by a wise man who knew what a high score really meant.

Now that we're in the new millenium, it's time we put those thoughts to practice, and luckily, one Hong Kong company is taking us there.


Introducing, the Trance Vibrator from ASCII for the PlayStation2 video game console.

The product is designed for use with the PS2 game Rez, which to my dismay, was not based off of W. P. Kinsella's Dance Me Outside. Regardless, the music-style game involves a lot of bass-thumping action, which fuels the pushing of certain buttons. Can't complain.


This promo photo shows either a 12-year-old American girl revolutionizing her dance dance, or it shows a 42-year-old Asian girl busting her move. All Asian girls are hot. Until they turn 90.

It was based solely on the photo above that I felt an urge to try this device out.

I really wanted to beta test this product for you, my friends. However, I didn't have the funds to purchase this item, nor the vagina. So I did the next best thing.



I must say that the Trance Vibrator really kicked ass with Tetris. I came and came. Notable mentions also go to: River City Ransom; Ghost Lion; Bill and Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure; Fester's Quest; Wayne Gretzky Hockey; and pretty well anything by the company Wisdom Tree.

All in all, ol' Studd Webb has to give this product a big thumbs up, if for nothing else, the innovative input device. Oh, and if the cartridge doesn't boot up and you get that nasty Power blink, just remember that no amount of lubricant will save it. Just try wiggling it a bit until you find the right hole. It always works for me!

(thanks to Faithful Reader Caledia for the link!)

Palpitate Means "Rain Slick" In French

One thing I've noticed about the women that work in my industry, or co-workers if you will, is that very rarely are they of a body size that can buy off the shelf. That having been said, I think that the following product holds promise for a beta version.


The NuMetrex Bra

The NuMetrex Sports Bra and Strapless Heart Rate Monitor is an interesting device that monitors your heart rate while doing exciting things, like sex. And other interesting things. I'm not sure what. The premise behind the product is that women like to be fit and like to know if the effort they're putting into being fit is worth the outcome. The handy-dandy watch thingie tells them, but it's unsure if the watch tells the actual time while it's in action.

We all know that I'm fairly hands-on about my work, and the only thing that I can say about this device is that when it would need to work the most (i.e. recording the heart rate), the product would be nowhere near the intended target. Or, at least, it'd be shed by the end of the first act. And usually, there's no watch thingy in any of the scenes.

What gets under my skin, or over her skin as the case may be, is that the bra only goes up to a 36 C?

Seriously. Are there any women out there who aren't artificially enhanced to that degree, and who could use such a device? Most of my co-workers are at least a 38 G, and some are much larger. As well, the odd woman who has chosen to call me her friend (once realizing that I'm not a fuller-brush salesman as I've lied to them) is usually the standard 38-42 bandsize, with a C-to-F cup size. These friends of mine could not use the product unless they either get a body refitting (and they are quite content to be in their own skin and not succumb to society's fetish for body moulding), or they lose weight which they don't need to.

If the women who want to fit into this device need to lose weight to do so, don't you think the product would be more ideal if it fit larger-sized women who would require the device more than those who are fit enough to wear it normally?

It's as if I offered to give you a million dollars, if you became a millionaire.

So, I apologize to NuMetrex, but until a greater range of sizes come out (and hopefully, some different colours and patterns; women do like to look pretty after all), this product gets a thumbs down from ol' Studd.

And you can trust a guy who holds breasts for a living.

1-900-OH-YEAH

I guess my question is: if Skype is offering free long distance phone calls, via VOIP, until the end of 2006...

....does that include 1-900 numbers?

Ye gods, I hope so. My wallet is so tight every month. Maybe this week, I'll be able to splurge on some Kraft Dinner. No more budgeting! Woo Hoo!

Who Likes Chubby?

I forgot to mention that my sister site, which is actually more like my brother site, but who's arguing semantrics, is that of Albert Evanston.

I implore you with verve to visit his blog.

As this is being written, Albert is showing the H Channel's documentary that they did of Percy and the rest of us a little while back. I haven't seen the third entry as of yet, but I can only hope that they show that raven-haired beauty called Erica in it. I can't emphasize how the pleasure was all mine when I worked with her.

At any rate, please visit Albert's blog and watch the videos which define our generation. Which is All About the Love.

The Hallmark Greeting

Hello, everyone. It's me, the technosavvy guru of Chubby Productions, Studd Webb. I started this blog up because of two reasons. One, I can't say why without being arrested.

The second, however, is due to a lack of Technology Intruding Upon Modern Life (or TurMoiL), as Percy would say. So, without further ado, here's the flagpole posting, and guess what it's about.

The Nintendo "Wii".


Wii, (pronounced "we" as in community, or "wee" as in Willy Winky, or in my case Little JoJo), will be the latest video game system to go head-to-head against giants like Xbox360 and the PlayStation3.
And the N-Gage. Laugh if you will, but there's something comfortable about being able to hold Lara Croft in one hand, with one hand free.
Which brings me to my next point of interest.

The next generation video game system from Nintendo is being heralded for taking a fresh step for gamers, in that their new controller will be for one-hand only.

That's correct. This new design, in my humble opinion, is just the right thing for our internet-dependant society.


Look at this man.
He patented the Wii.

Let us not forget that since the early 90s, Nintendo has been pushing for adult-oriented gaming systems.

It's a little known fact that the original name of the Nintendo Gamecube was the Nintendo Dolphin. Other beta names for that system included the Nintendo Butterfly, the Nintendo Cucumber, and the oddly-named Nintendo Ben Wa.

Admit it. Since you've found out that you'll be able your Wii in just one hand, you've been hardly able to contain yourself. With the addition of rumble-friendly games to use on your Wii, such as Air Flight Stimulator and Unclogging Mario's Pipes (tentatively 2008), you'll find your hand glued to the Wii while gaining a +5 to Pleasure.

Our clique (yes, you know who you are, you naughty dawgs) has always been limited by the PC market, and it's refreshing to see that the potential for console service has now been offered to us. Let's rejoice this new system when it is released with the sound of one hand clapping!