Let Them Eat Bukkake

Well well well. Just as I thought it would be a slow news week here at Pr0n Central, look what came across the ol' e-mailbag pile. Literally.


The Oozinator.



Now, I'm not the first to report on this product. I'm certainly not the second. Odds are, I won't be the last.

I am stunned that such a product has come out. What could have possibly gone through the heads of the R&D department for that toyline to put out something this .. this .. this..

...this amazing!

It's like every birthday party I ever wanted, rolled into one ball of tissue paper! Had I had this device when I was a wee fledgling, I truly believe my life would have taken a different path than where I am now.

As a teenager, I had the usual posters up in my room that all kids have.



And yet, words elude me on how fantastic this item is; I envy the youth of today for having a toy that I should have had, but never got the opportunity to. I simply cannot describe how the mere premise of such a tactile sensation wrapped into a fun and male-oriented lifestyle arouses the innocence of my soul from the depths of my bowels.

There are no comments I could make on this product that would be less than a perfect score of ten, if I owned one. Until then, it looks like I'll just have to wait for Christmas. Or Kwanza.

This is the happiest moment of my life. Well, second happiest. I really thought it'd be a slow news week. Yay!