Palpitate Means "Rain Slick" In French

One thing I've noticed about the women that work in my industry, or co-workers if you will, is that very rarely are they of a body size that can buy off the shelf. That having been said, I think that the following product holds promise for a beta version.


The NuMetrex Bra

The NuMetrex Sports Bra and Strapless Heart Rate Monitor is an interesting device that monitors your heart rate while doing exciting things, like sex. And other interesting things. I'm not sure what. The premise behind the product is that women like to be fit and like to know if the effort they're putting into being fit is worth the outcome. The handy-dandy watch thingie tells them, but it's unsure if the watch tells the actual time while it's in action.

We all know that I'm fairly hands-on about my work, and the only thing that I can say about this device is that when it would need to work the most (i.e. recording the heart rate), the product would be nowhere near the intended target. Or, at least, it'd be shed by the end of the first act. And usually, there's no watch thingy in any of the scenes.

What gets under my skin, or over her skin as the case may be, is that the bra only goes up to a 36 C?

Seriously. Are there any women out there who aren't artificially enhanced to that degree, and who could use such a device? Most of my co-workers are at least a 38 G, and some are much larger. As well, the odd woman who has chosen to call me her friend (once realizing that I'm not a fuller-brush salesman as I've lied to them) is usually the standard 38-42 bandsize, with a C-to-F cup size. These friends of mine could not use the product unless they either get a body refitting (and they are quite content to be in their own skin and not succumb to society's fetish for body moulding), or they lose weight which they don't need to.

If the women who want to fit into this device need to lose weight to do so, don't you think the product would be more ideal if it fit larger-sized women who would require the device more than those who are fit enough to wear it normally?

It's as if I offered to give you a million dollars, if you became a millionaire.

So, I apologize to NuMetrex, but until a greater range of sizes come out (and hopefully, some different colours and patterns; women do like to look pretty after all), this product gets a thumbs down from ol' Studd.

And you can trust a guy who holds breasts for a living.