Sweet Wookie Nubbin

This week, I thought we'd tackle a hotbed of activity that's fascinated my burrowed frow ever since I thought of it last week while eating some Kraft Dinner.

Midgets.

Now, I know that the topic of Little People (as we prefer to call them in our politically-correct society; and I should let you know that my occupation is formally known as Professional Vertical Propogation Assistant, D.P.) enjoy doing the nasty just as much as Not-Little People. However, most Little People (or Midgets as we prefer to call them when no politically-correct people are around) aren't that great at doing the nasty, due to the size of their body frame, compared to their enormous genitals.

Not only that, but the average Shorteningly Challenged Dude or Tall Impaired Chick has to deal with their own particular kinks and fetishes, which becomes even tougher on their day-to-day nightlives if not satiated.

Enter, George Lucas. Now, it's no secret that the actors of Return of the Jedi once engaged in a pissing match at his command, nor is it a secret that he's had his own fetish for short men covered in fur. Even though he may have provided us with emotionally-scarring and horrific memories, he's created a device made specifically to ventilate one's urges, provided one is under three feet tall.


The Yoda Backpack

Perhaps it's a misnomer about the name of the product that gives people the impression of how it should be used. A quick look at the design of this product shows that when used in improper conditions, one is apt to give it backpack-like qualities. THIS. IS. WRONG.



The product is meant as an aide to assist fetishes for people who otherwise cannot get off! That's what the Yoda Orifice Device Assistant (my own redesignation, thank you) is meant for.

To help us grasp the gravity of this concept, let's use the famous canadian actor and WWI flying ace, Billy Bishop.



When positioned correctly, the YODA (a much better name) is attached onto a Little Person via the convenient "Yoda Claws", as such:



Much better! Attach the stylized lightsaber (in green, blue and purple, for his and her pleasure!) and the YODA is good to go for hours of vibroblade fun! Give Billy five minutes, and it'll be mop and bucket time!

As such, this product gets a whopping 8 out of 10, but only when used for the purposes it was intended for.

What I can't wait for now is a C-3P0 unit that's fluent in the language of love. What I'll probably end up getting is a pocket thesaurus. Again.